


Words of Woe

by eilidh17



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 03:55:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6140714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eilidh17/pseuds/eilidh17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's always good to read the fine print.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words of Woe

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Fig Newton's 'Epistolary' Alphabet Soup.

**W is for Words of Woe**

 

"Yes, sir. And it'd be illegal if he lived in New Orleans!"

"You're on dangerous ground, Major."

Not that he would ever say it out loud, and especially not in current company, but Major Stan Kovacek hardly gave a damn what ground he was standing on right now. He was tired, his team had only been Earth-side for a few hours after a particularly difficult mission, and instead of heading home after being cleared by the infirmary staff, he was locked in General Hammond's office trying to pull SG-1 back from the edge of a diplomatic crisis.

"With due respect, sir, I've worked my way through just about every obscure law in all fifty states and there is nothing written or implied that even comes close to the kind of escape clause you're looking for."

"Except for New Orleans," General Hammond said in a clearly un-amused tone, sliding his gaze between Kovacek and Doctor Daniel Jackson, who was working real hard at trying to look serious.

Kovacek continued on, "State law holds no jurisdiction where a crime is committed by one of its citizens outside of its territorial border. The Stargate program, simply by the uniqueness under which it operates, barely comes under the federal umbrella when it comes to laws and lawmaking."

"Which was why the process of creating laws and due process specific to the program was given to the Pentagon and not the relevant houses of congress?" asked Daniel.

"Right."

"We are talking laws specific to the Stargate program?" asked Hammond.

"Yes, sir."

"So, let me guess....." Daniel raised a finger in front of his face and briefly closed his yes. "All the best legal minds at the Pentagon couldn't predict this type of scenario?"

"I don't see how anyone could." The idea that there might be some Pentagon think tank spending an inordinate amount of time coming up with ridiculous scenarios just to write up laws to cover them had already consumed too much of Kovacek's time. And yet....

"Okay, gentlemen, what are we left with here?"

Daniel and Kovacek exchanged blank stares, before Kovacek went back to examining his briefing notes. "I don't know, sir," he said after a moment. "All documents created for use between Earth and potential treaty or trade partners are considered legal under both our laws and the laws of the other involved party. This means that Colonel O'Neill automatically subjected himself to whatever laws protected the document. This is exactly the reason why so much time goes into the language of a document before both parties are brought to the table for the final signing."

Daniel rose his hand. "Ah, that would be where I come in."

"Son?"

"My linguists and I spent weeks with the base legal team and the Khanar political delegates going over the language and format of the final treaty, taking into account the unusual possessive nature of the Khanar, especially when it comes to ownership."

"The Khanar believe in equal trading rights between partners, which is not that much different than how most enlightened societies work here," added Kovacek.

"Except their brand of treaty ratification also involved the handing over of more than just minerals and plant extracts," Daniel added hastily, avoiding looking through the window in Hammond's office to the briefing room beyond, to where the rest of his team looked on in expectation. "Look, sir, to be fair, this isn't exactly Jack's fault."

"I thought he signed the document without you verifying the changes the Khanar made?"

"No. Well, yes, he did exactly that, despite my insistence that we needed to call a halt to proceedings so I could clarify those changes _before_ he signed off on them. The Khanar signatories were at odds with some of the wording choices we made, even though they stood to gain far more than we did once the treaty was ratified. Unfortunately, Jack somehow took their body language as a sign that they approved of what we were offering them."

"When instead they weren't happy with the arrangements?"

"Oh, no, they were happy. They just wanted to... ah, add a little something more into the deal to ensure we wouldn't go back on the treaty any time in the future. Call it old-fashioned, but the notion of forming trading or even territorial alliances through the marriage of heads of state, most often local royalty, is still alive and well in some places here on Earth. There's no reason why it shouldn't exist out there." He gestured to the wall behind Hammond's desk, beyond which was the Stargate.

"And Colonel O'Neill signing the amended treaty without your approval--"

"Left him with a dozen wives, all daughters of the ruling heads of Khanar, which is made up of approximately ten states. Each state is ruled independently, but global decisions are decided upon as a whole. "

"How does that add up to 12?"

"The oldest daughters of two of those heads of states are sets of twins, so..."

If Hammond was even the slightest bit amused, it didn't show. He turned his attention back to Kovacek. "Tell me, Major, how does all this relate to New Orleans?"

"Well, sir. The heads of each state are also the only people on Khanar legally able to perform marriages."

"And?"

"They're all mystics. New Orleans passed a law that made it illegal for palm readers, mystics and fortune tellers to perform wedding ceremonies."

"I thought you said our laws don't apply in this situation?"

"I did, sir, and they don't."

"Grasping at straws, son?"

"You have no idea."

Hammond rose from his chair and opened the door to the briefing room. "Colonel O'Neill! My office... now!"

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please excuse my twisting of the US legal system for the purpose of this story actually making sense. Thank you to Denny and Magnavox for the read-through, and for not eye-rolling me when they really should have. All mistakes are very much mine.


End file.
